Holding on to what you cannot change is like wrestling with your shadow. It makes for a frustrating relationship with yourself. The shadow is visible, but you will be continually frustrated and unhappy because you cannot control or change it.
In your business and personal world, you must know when you are wrestling with your shadow. Your shadow is all the things you cannot control.
With the advent of COVID 19, almost a year ago in the United States, there has been a transformation in how we look at ourselves, our relationships, work, and as a society in general. Where pre-COVID we trafficked in a currency of confidence and a “can-do” attitude we now use the currency of fear. Fear shuts down connections. Fear shuts down conversations. Fear shuts down moving forward. Fear isolates us. As social human beings this last one, isolation, is the one that has wreaked the most mental and emotional damage.
Fear causes us to grieve. We grieve because we have lost our sense of normal. We may have lost loved ones, our jobs, or our homes. Grief is the death of something. And fear triggers grief because we have lost our sense of normal and at the same time, as we move forward day by day, we have no sense of certainty about the future. In a way we are afraid to step out and move forward.
Commandism and Tailism are boundaries that are on purpose poorly defined. Let’s say you are part of a political movement, or you are working for a company. The leader of the political movement or a leader in your company asks you to do a special task or project. You approach it with enthusiasm and get it done on time and better than expected. Everything should be good. You should be recognized for your extraordinary efforts.
There is something I do know. The two most important concepts for a civil, peaceful society to function are to have a clear definition of “what is okay” and “what is not okay.
In your own life you determine “what is okay” and “what is not okay.” For society, “What is okay” has laws, customs and guidelines. “What is not okay” creates its own law, which in truth is the rule of men and their decisions at the moment as to “what is okay,” not law, along with their own special customs and guidelines. When “what is okay,” is not enforced, then “what is not okay” takes over. This is when lawlessness becomes the law. Fear sets in.
Appetites and Misplaced Hunger
The coronavirus pandemic has caused us to look inward and outward in examining our lives. And, when you do this examination on a foundation of uncertainty it can make you feel worse, not better. But there is something you can examine. And, maybe there is some positive action you can take.
As we go through life, we all have appetites that we feel we must satisfy. It can be recreation, money, love, food, solitude, exercise, etc. So, what are your appetites? In my personal business coaching, which can involve personal development training, self-improvement training, leadership and personal growth and development coaching, I am always looking for appetites. What we have an appetite for will guide us to where we spend most of our focus and energy. And, very often, if we just alter that energy and focus, that appetite some, amazing improvements can take place.
Over the past few weeks, the coronavirus has changed all of our lives significantly. We have never seen something like this. The medical impact can be frightening. And the economic impact, remains to be seen, but it could be disastrous.
Instead of writing about personal development, self-improvement, personal growth and leadership which are areas in which I collaborate with others in my personal business coaching practice, I believe it is best to share some thoughts that may support you as we go through a time where in many cases, and you can include me, our lives have been turned upside down. A time where fear and panic, the two horsemen of relationship and societal destruction are running wild.
In the last post, we looked at gratitude, happiness and serving others and how your self-talk can guide you in these areas. The result of your networking will be to increase the odds of building deeper relationships.
In this post we will go under the hood of self-talk, so to speak and explore the mindset that is necessary to good self-talk which will manifest itself in a positive way to others allowing your networking to accomplish its primary goal, to build deeper relationships.
In the previous post we looked at some factors that can take your networking to not working. Lack of soft skills, people skills is the biggest challenge in today’s fast paced world. For networking to work we must be effective with others which means being truly interested in them and willing to listen.
One of the keys to success in your networking is the culture you bring into every interaction. Your culture is a reflection of how you think and care about yourself. Remember, the goal of networking is to build deeper relationships. If the culture you are bringing is toxic that will not happen.
Let’s assume that you are out and about and networking regularly. What that means is that you consistently attend the same meetings. That is good. It is not possible to build deeper relationships without being consistent in your networking.
Yet, things aren’t coming together. You are spending the time, but you are not getting to have deeper relationships. As a business coach in Houston and The Woodlands I have had clients who get frustrated. In fact, over my career I have become frustrated, too. I join a group and believe that good things are going to happen, and they don’t.
“Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand brake on.” — Maxwell Malt
Do people possessing high self-esteem achieve greater success in life?
You may have heard from many people that they want to increase their self esteem. They believe that once their confidence and self esteem is high, they’ll be able to achieve more and greater successes.