To Keep Your Networking Working: What Do You Say When You Talk to Yourself: Part 3

In the last post, we looked at gratitude, happiness and serving others and how your self-talk can guide you in these areas.  The result of your networking will be to increase the odds of building deeper relationships.

In this post we will go under the hood of self-talk, so to speak and explore the mindset that is necessary to good self-talk which will manifest itself in a positive way to others allowing your networking to accomplish its primary goal, to build deeper relationships.

Probably one of the biggest mistakes I see in networking that will keep it from not working is this:  People focus on what they can’t control instead of what they can control.  A person will meet someone and immediately after they hear a little bit about them and their business, try to “fix them.”  If you have a “fixer upper mentality” in your self-talk which manifests itself in your networking, get rid of it.

Take a sword to it.  No one likes someone coming in with an answer or a solution who truly does not know us or our situation.  In fact, it has been shown that the people who consider themselves to be “fixer uppers” have a degree of arrogance in their self-talk which carries into their networking relationships.

When you come in with the “fixer upper” mentality you are already telling the other person that something is wrong with them and that you, with your superior knowledge and intellect are here to rescue them from themselves.  Obviously, this is a non-starter to good networking and building deeper relationships.

In fact, one of the worst professions where you can see the “fixer upper mentality” is in business coaching.  Whether someone calls themselves a business coach, personal business coach, personal development business coach, life coach or any other label of coaching the problem for many in my profession is that they feel they are here to fix others.

As a business coach in The Woodlands and as a business coach in Houston, I have had the opportunity to meet many other coaches.  As with any profession, I have met some very fine people. At the same time, I have met many, a vast majority, who are not having success.  Why?  They have the “fixer upper mentality.”

Also, they will tell you that they are here to help.  Help is a dangerous word when used in the wrong situation.  If I come to you and say, “I am here to help you” what am I truly saying.  I am saying that there is something wrong with you and I am here to fix it.  And that is the way most people feel about the conversation with a coach if they are on the receiving end.

In reality, building deeper relationships through networking is very much like building a good coaching relationship.  You are here to learn from others.  Be interested in them first.  And, as the relationship develops you are present to support others as they talk about pathways to their successful performance.

You must move from a “fixer upper” or “I am here to help” mindset to one where, as you get to know the person, you are there to support for who they are.

Focus on what you can control and not on what you cannot.  The only thing you can control are your thoughts and words.  Be there to encourage others.  Be there for support.  That is the pathway to better, deeper relationships and successful networking.

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